A Sad Goodbye

I am skipping ahead of many posts I am behind on, but I don't want any more time to pass before I write some of my thoughts I have had these past two weeks. 

Little did I know this would be the last picture I'd take with all my girls (still missing a few though). We asked the girls to wear their camp necklaces two Sundays ago so I could send a picture to my friend that made them all for us. Just a few hours after this picture was taken, the bishopric scheduled a visit with Nate to come stop by where the release was given. Although there were days when things were really hard and I secretly begged to be released, more times than not I dreaded this day. Four years of this just doesn't end with a few words telling me I was released. I've spent many hours praying, teaching, serving and loving these girls! It became such a normalcy in my life so to have it taken away rocked my world. I felt the release coming a few months before but it could have never prepared me for what I'd really feel like with it being a reality. I had a week to digest the news and pass on as much as I could to the new president before it was made official in last week's sacrament meeting. It was an emotional week for sure and I still get choked up sometimes when I think of saying goodbye to these girls. I still had my last lesson to teach that same Sunday so rather than teaching our monthly topic I decided it would be best to combine and let the girls have an hour to digest the change themselves. We spent the time testifying to the girls that this change is meant to be and it's ok to to open their hearts to new leaders, but that it is also ok to be sad for a time as well. I knew I would be beyond emotional, and when I get to that point I can't communicate what I need to so I spent the week writing this poem to tell the girls exactly what was in my heart...

I felt it coming so long ago.

Tears of doubts ran high, overwhelmingly so.

Feeling a child myself and wanting someone to follow,

I accepted the call knowing my testimony you girls would borrow.

There have been hard times and drama, I cannot lie.

But we’ve created friendships and memories money couldn't buy.

My life is changed, my testimony grown.

The Title “daughter of God” even more known!

This service of God brought blessings untold.

No doubt I'll miss it, but the next step will soon unfold.

Same mantle, same calling, just changing the leader.

All you have to do is accept and believe her. 

Although Uchtdorf and Hilary and skunks may be,

what years down the road you only remember of me.

Please continue with faith and endure to the end,

Remember your true beauty and your virtue defend.

Your laughs and silly inside jokes will be missed so much.

We had some good times thanks to you crazy bunch!

Whatever chapter you choose to remember of the PJR story, (this was my nickname they gave me)

Seeing you girls enter the temple will be my true glory.

Just like it came, I felt it slipping away.

More tears than the first, just a different reason today.

Many prayers of gratitude I've been sending above,

For giving me 4 years with you girls that I love.

Over the years I have loved serving these girls. This calling was one of my greatest blessings I've ever received through my willingness to serve. I feel like I received more from this calling than these girls ever got from me. Now that two weeks has passed by, every day gets easier, but I still find myself thinking about these girls and their lives...how their day was at school, did they make any new friends, are they hanging out with good friends, are they making good choices and bettering themselves in the things they listen to and read, and how their relationships are with their families. I also find myself reflecting on memories as little things within my day remind me of each one of them and their different personalities, interests and inside jokes. I'm sure the rest of my life will be a sporadic reflection of the many different memories we share, but I'm so excited to see what the future holds for each one of them. I just pray that I have in some way or another fulfilled my calling and touched their testimony somehow so they are better by my service and love given in their behalf. 

Another hard part to say goodbye to this calling is the Ward Council and the amazing leaders I got to serve with. My testimony and faith has been strengthened as I have served along side these men and women. Some of my dearest friends were created through these four years of service and I am grateful everyday that I was blessed to know them and call them friends. I know there is a new chapter ahead and these friendships I have made will continue on but it doesn't make it any easier saying goodbye to the immediate and planned interactions that came from this calling. Man I am going to miss it like crazy and its the hardest goodbye I have ever been through, but its comforting to know they are in good hands and they are loved just as much by new leaders.

Thanks for all the fun years filled with many laughs, tears and jokes... they will never be forgotten!

Love you girls more than you will ever know. Thanks for loving me back as your spiritual leader. You have changed my life for the better.